Paula here, with my notes from the underground, otherwise
known as one of  my many summer party. I am enjoying being the Queen of Summertime,
as I am every year. As usual, it’s a crazy, lovely time filled with crazy,
lovely people. And this year, so far, this weekend has been as absolutely
insane as ever. Let me tell you, in my lifetime I have been dipped, smeared,
slathered, glazed, painted, caked, dusted, sprinkled, creamed and otherwise
coated in chocolate sauce, frosting, butter, ice cream, syrup, honey, wine,
caramel, powdered sugar, jelly, jam, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries,
mangoes, watermelon, taramasalata (I’m not kidding, he was a Greek tycoon),
brownies, pineapple upside-down cake, strawberry short-cake, cheesecake, crème
brulee, not to mention a variety of edible creams, lotions, lubricants or oils
that tasted like cinnamon, vanilla, hazelnut, bubblegum, almond, coconut,
huckleberry, and red hots…whew! And that’s just the stuff I can name off of the
top of my head! But for some reason, somehow, someway, I don’t know why, but I
had never, ever had barbecue sauce poured all over me. I mean, I don’t know if
this is a normal circumstance for you but, my gosh! It was just something I had
never thought of. Apparently, it was a premeditated event that a bunch of
people knew was going to happen and those devils just didn’t tell me, being the
bad kids they were. So, I am grabbed, have my arms pulled over my head and my
legs pulled apart, I’m screaming for someone to help me but I have to admit ,
I’m laughing so no one listened. Anyway, someone pours hickory-smoked barbecue
sauce all over my neck and breasts, stomach, legs and um, my yesssssssss, and
then a whole crowd of my favorite people licked it all off. Oh my god, it was
an experience not like any other I have ever had. Twenty tongues licking,
probing, tickling, and kissing all the sauce off of me. Summer gets surreal.